Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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