they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
