Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
