My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
