If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
bring money and cleavage
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
