I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
