Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
