I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
