He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
