Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
