but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
