so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
