I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
