So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
