oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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