he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
