I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
