I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
