He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
