I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
