Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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