Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
