I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
