Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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