I want to make a zoo with you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
