oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
