so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
