Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
