Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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