96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
