Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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