I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
