i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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