apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
where are my eyebrows?
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