So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
