i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
