I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
