Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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