He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That accounts for only three of the penises
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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