She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You pole danced in your parka.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
