he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
