I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
