He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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