I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
