I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
