I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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