NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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