I wanna bring you to show and tell
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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