i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
