oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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