I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
