I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
