We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
