I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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