Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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