Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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