i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
