The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
