it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
