you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
