i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
