It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
