just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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