apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
