First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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