take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
