Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
