i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
