Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
